Jump to content

The Great Swearfest 2021

Recommended Posts

Profanity, vulgarity and good ole inappropriate humor. 

No racist, sexist, or homophobic jokes allowed for obvious reasons. 


First Prize. A lousy 250fg just like a bj from your mother. 


Let's see what youre made of. 

Entries accepted till the End of the Month. 



  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

When you feel like swearing but you need an alternative! in FRENCH tho!


So these 2 swears sound similar when you say em, but one uses clean words..  


Normal (clean version): Cinq-Six boites de tomates vertes

Hell (un-holy version): Saint-Ciboire de tabarwouette


i can translate the clean version to english, it means: five-six boxes of green tomatoes


  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

There once was a man from Nantucket, with a dick so long he could suck it. He said, with a grin, as he wiped off his chin, "If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it."    

That fucking vulgar enough for you?!  

Edited by ZBTtarget(OD)
Link to post
Share on other sites

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon....

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself and goes to the bar. "Get the fucking manager of this pigshit middle class wank pit please you cock sucking cunt", he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. "Can I help you sir?' he says. "Yes you can you fucking fat assed piece of shit, I saw your shitty advert in the cunting window and I'm here to fucking audition. Wanker!"

The manager is naturally a little put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic.

At the end the thrilled barman cries, "Wonderful! Wonderful! What was that called?" "That song, you big nosed fucking twat, was called 'Excuse Me Prime Minister But I Just Spunked In Your Fucking Daughter's Eye, And Now The Cunt's Blind.' " "Oh" says the manager, somewhat taken aback, "err, can you play me another? Something a little less lively maybe?" "Fucking wanker..." interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad of such beauty that it leaves the manager in tears.

The manager, through his teardrops asks him the title. "That little number was called 'Sometimes When You Fuck A Bird Up The Shit Box You Get Crap On Your Bell End.' " "I see" says the manager. "Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?" "Well there's my jazz number 'Do You Want Me To Spit In Your Ringpiece', or there's the epic 'I Don't Give A Fuck If You're Older My Dear, You've Still Got Fucking Cracking Jugs' ".

"Look," says the manager, "I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little dodgy, to say the least. I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience."

"Fuck it", says the pianist, "why cunting not?" On his first night everything is going superbly and the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is simply being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.

During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard-on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his load he hears himself being re-introduced over the sound system, so he rushes back to the stage to finish his act.

After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the same blonde approaches him. "Hi" she says. "Oh, hello" he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, "Do you know your cock is hanging out of your trousers and spunk is dribbling onto your shoes?" Placing his beer confidently on the bar, the pianist grins, looks her square in the eye and says, "Know it? I fucking wrote it!
  • Laugh 1
  • Clap 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/18/2021 at 8:38 PM, ZBTtarget(OD) said:

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning





Winner winner

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...