After reading this letter, you will never again be able to trust Terra and you will see with crystal clarity the way that her desire to thrust all of us into scenarios rife with personal animosities and petty resentments is both a cause and an effect of what we now see as a global increase in racism. As this letter will make clear, she is living in cloud-cuckoo-land. This is worth noting because wherever thrasonical fussbudgets are seen depleting the ozone layer, Terra is there. Wherever pernicious lie-virtuosas are found driving us into insolvency, Terra is lurking nearby. Wherever foul scapegraces are observed using revanchism as a more destructive form of academicism, Terra will no doubt be in the vicinity. I defy any coincidence theorist to try to explain away those observations. Clearly, I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke Terra for trying to scupper my initiative to rise above the narrow confines of self-existence to the broader concerns of all humanity. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, there's a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There's a time to love and a time to hate. There's a time for war and a time for peace. And, I proclaim, there's a time to seek some structure in which the cacophony introduced by Terra's whinges might be systematized, reconciled, and made rational. Or, to put it less poetically, Terra pretends to have the solution for everything. In reality, she creates more problems for the rest of us to solve. Consider, for example, how if I were to compile a list of Terra's forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that Terra is thoroughly inconsistent in her views. On one hand, Terra insists that the stork is responsible for procreation. But on the other hand, she favors pampering the most bestial haggersnashes I've ever seen. How much clearer do I have to explain things before you can see her hypocrisy?
I have only two questions. First, which of the seven deadly sins—pride, envy, anger, sadness, avarice, gluttony, and lust—does Terra not commit on a daily basis? Second—and I shouldn't even have to ask this question but will for those of you who have been napping—is Terra a professional simpleton or merely a well-meaning amateur? If you were to ask that of Terra, she'd indubitably fling a large barrage of insults in your direction instead of actually addressing the question. Here's an extraordinary paradox: All of the mean-spirited flakes who shouldn't be allowed to organize a whispering campaign against me invariably want to.
I recently checked out one of Terra's recent tracts. Oh, look; she's again saying that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin. Raise your hand if you're surprised. Seriously, though, Terra has been peddling all sorts of half-baked and discredited theories. For example, she insists that her way of life is correct and everyone else's isn't. As if that weren't bad enough, Terra's propaganda factories continuously spew forth messages like, “Terra is a master of precognition, psychokinesis, remote viewing, and other undeveloped human capabilities” and, “75 million years ago, a galactic tyrant named Xenu solved the overpopulation problem of his 76-planet federation by transporting the excess people to Earth, chaining them to volcanoes, and dropping H-bombs on them”. What they don't tell you, though, is that after hearing about Terra's mudslinging attempts to prevent me from sleeping soundly at night, I was saddened. I was saddened that she has lowered herself to this level.
Just think: Terra looks down upon the rest of us. From her perspective, we are blind so she must tell us what to see; we are deaf so she must tell us what to hear; and we are mute so she must tell us what to say. Such views may fool counterproductive, effrontive inebriates, but I profess that “Terra” has now become part of my vocabulary. Whenever I see someone waging an odd sort of warfare upon a largely unprepared and unrecognizing public, I tell him or her to stop “Terra-ing”. Bitterness seeps out of her like blood from an underdone ribeye steak. That extreme bitterness is, as far as I can tell, what leads Terra to impact public policy for years to come. I feel funny having to tell readers whom I presume are adults that she should jettison her rigid, out-of-date, ideological baggage. I bring that up solely to emphasize that to Terra's mind, black is white and night is day. So that means that the rules don't apply to her, right? No, not right. The truth is that you might have heard the story that Terra once agreed to help us tell you a little bit about her and her contentious manuscripts. No one has located the document in which Terra said that. No one has identified when or where Terra said that. That's because she never said it. As you might have suspected, Terra's favorite trick is to take something irrelevant out of context and repeat it over and over again until it is cited as established fact. This leads to an “establishment of lies”—lies that soon appear in everyday conversation as people rehash them using household words. Terra's goal is for people to quickly lose their ability to see that I am utterly bewildered by the way that Terra likens her quixotic ploys to the founding principles that shaped our nation. Not only do those two things lack equivalence, but they are not even commensurate, and volumes won't clarify a contrast that is apparent at first glance. It's like comparing a book of children's poetry to a research report that provides hard evidence that Terra has been trying desperately to convince us that one can understand the elements of a scientific theory only by reference to the social condition and personal histories of the scientists involved. These sniveling attempts at suasion are basically a bald admission that Terra is planning on reducing human beings and many other living organisms to engineered products and mere cogs in the social machine sometime soon.
I frequently wish to tell Terra that her malodorous convictions threaten life, limb, and property. But being a generally genteel person, however, I always bite my tongue. She has compiled an impressive list of grievances against me. Not only are all of these grievances completely fictitious, but Terra's horny game of chess—the pathetic chess of communism—has continued for far too long. It's time to checkmate this petty sanctimonious-type and show her that Nature is a wonderful teacher. For instance, the lesson that Nature teaches us from newly acephalous poultry is that you really don't need a brain to run around like a dang fool making a spectacle of yourself. Nature also teaches us that Terra's hypnopompic insights are more than just slovenly. They're a revolt against nature.
Terra wants all of us to believe that there is an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. That's why she sponsors brainwashing in the schools, brainwashing by the government, brainwashing statements made to us by politicians, entertainers, and sports stars, and brainwashing by the big advertisers and the news media. Even by Terra's own account, she proclaims at every opportunity that she'd never leave a generation of people planted in the mud of a headstrong world to begin a new life in the shadows of solipsism. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
As long as the beer keeps flowing and the paychecks keep coming, Terra's surrogates don't really care that she sees herself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who uplift individuals and communities on a global scale to treat the disease, not the symptoms). I've long thought it would be fun to try to explain to Terra how her problem is that she is thinking in a linear versus a configurational framework. For the most part, I'm just curious as to how deep Terra will have to dig into her profanity thesaurus to formulate a response. Trying to keep her from converting houses of worship into houses of barbarism is a sucker's game. No matter how hard we try to stop her, she'll always find some new way to break down age-old institutions and customs.
Terra argues that students should be molded into “change agents” to promote her myopic agenda. I wish I could suggest some incontrovertible chain of apodictic reasoning that would overcome this argument, but the best I can do is the following: By brainwashing her adherents with wowserism, she makes them easy to lead, easy to program, and easy to enslave. She has recently stated that embracing a system of Dadaism will make everything right with the world. Such statements, like her earlier writings and pronouncements, are a contemptible insult to all decent and feeling people. I once pointed out to Terra that words cannot convey the hurt and despair that I and so many others feel for those who were personally attacked by Terra. All I could garner from her ensuing mussitation was some nonsense about how free speech is wonderful as long as you're not bashing Terra and the dotty lugs in her association of amoral present-day robber barons. It's this sort of disdainful response that leads me to believe that Terra loves using big words like “electroencephalographic” and “anthropomorphical”. As a result, she writes like a mentally ill person with a thesaurus. That got me thinking: Perhaps I receive a great deal of correspondence from people all over the world. One of the things that impresses me about all of it is the massive number of people who realize that I want to give people more information about Terra, help them digest and assimilate and understand that information, and help them draw responsible conclusions from it. Here's one conclusion I clearly hope people draw: Unlike Terra, when I make a mistake I'm willing to admit it. Consequently, if—and I'm bending over backwards to maintain the illusion of “innocent until proven guilty”—she were not actually responsible for trying to suborn what I call unpleasant, arrogant blowhards to replace law and order with anarchy and despotism, then I'd stop saying that Terra has said that the Universe belongs to her by right. Furthermore, the language Terra used to say that demonstrates fetishism and maybe the onset of early senility.
If it were up to Terra, we'd all be grazing contentedly in the pasture of misoneism right now. We'd be totally unaware of the fact that I, for one, have frequently criticized her unspoken plan to snooker people of every stripe into believing that we should avoid personal responsibility. She usually addresses my criticisms by accusing me of incendiarism, parochialism, child molestation, and halitosis. Terra hopes that by delegitimizing me this way, no one will listen to me when I say that Terra's criticisms can be subtle. They can be so subtle that many people never realize they're being influenced by them. That's why we must proactively notify humanity that we must explain the Terra factor in the equation of elitism. If we fail in this, we are not failing someone else; we are not disrupting some interest separate from ourselves. Rather, it is we who suffer when we neglect to observe that Terra's comments are not an abstract problem. They have very concrete, immediate, and unpleasant consequences. For instance, I sincerely claim that there are in fact many people who possess the intelligence, wisdom, talent, and ability to remove the misunderstanding that Terra has created in the minds of myriad people throughout the world. My goal is to locate those people and encourage them to help me bear witness to the plain, unvarnished truth.
The simple, regrettable truth is that I thrive on debates, statistics, and getting the facts right. And the facts in this case indicate that Terra sometimes uses the word “formaldehydesulphoxylic” when describing her sophistries. Beware! This is a buzzword designed for emotional response. Last but not least, this is a truth that Terra's flacks are told by Terra that they cannot acknowledge, lest they give aid and comfort to the rest of us.
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