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Ray(OD)

The Half Lemon

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A priest who just graduated from priest school decided to open up his own church. So he gets his church built in a beautiful town not far from the farmers' market. He decides to go to the market to buy some groceries. As he was putting fresh fruit and vegetables away, a man came to the priest, and pleaded for half a lemon. The priest, who wanted to be the best priest he could be, gives the man half a lemon. But, before he gets to ask why he needs it, the man darts off into the bush. The priest follows the man out of curiosity, and finds the latter swimming across the nearby river.

 

The priest, not knowing how to swim, takes swimming lessons for a week, but in that short amount of time, practically becomes Michael Phelps. The same man as before comes to the priest, The man gets on his knees, and pleads for another half of a lemon. The priest cuts him half a lemon, and before having a chance to ask why the man needs half a lemon, the man darts off into the bush. Still determined to find out for himself, the priest follows him through the bush, and down the river. Unfortunately for the priest, the man goes up a tree.

 

The priest doesn't know how to climb trees, so what does he do? He takes a week learning how to climb trees. He's pretty much Tarzan by the end of his training. Again, the man comes to the priest, and says "Father, please, another half of a lemon." The priest gives the man half a lemon, and before having a chance to ask why the man needs half a lemon, the man darts off into the bush. The priest follows him through the bus, down the river, up the tree, but it doesn't end there. The man hops down the tree into a small valley, and proceeds to climb up a rock wall.

 

The priest, who doesn't know how to climb up rock walls decides to take a week learning rock climbing. He becomes quite dexterous at this point. Again, the man comes to the priest at the church later, and asks for another half of a lemon. The priest gives the man half of a lemon and before having a chance to ask why the man needs half a lemon, the man darts off into the bush. The priest is in hot pursuit, following the man down the river, up the tree, down into the little valley, up the rock wall, but the journey still isn't over. For you see, at the top of the rock wall was the man's house. The priest approached the house and knocked, but no answer. He tried opening the door only to find out it was locked.

 

The priest, who doesn't know how to pick locks, takes an entire week learning how to lock pick. He sees the man on his way to the church, but instead of waiting for the man to approach him, the priest simply hurls him half of a lemon and the man takes off into the bush. The priest follows the man down the river, up the tree, down the valley, up the rock wall, and to the house. The man gets into the house and locks the door behind him. The priest tries knocking, but to no avail. So, he takes out his lock picking gear, and slowly but surely undoes the lock.

 

The door started to open. The priest enters the home, and sees the carcasses of all the half lemons that he gave to the man. But, he also saw the silhouette of someone in the hallway. The priest falls to his knees, and asks why, why did the man needs all of these half lemons? The man comes up to where the priest is. The priest begs the man to tell him why he needed the half lemons. The man said he'd tell the priest, but that he cannot tell anyone.

 

The end. 

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I read this out of boredom while I was waiting for Remsen to finish his game, and I still regretted the time I lost reading it afterward.

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