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Ray(OD)

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I poop like 3 to 5 times a day

 

 

That is all

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Don’t wear headphones 

whist vacuuming the house 

Ive just finished the whole house 

until I realized the vacuum wasn’t plugged in 🙂 

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On 12/2/2018 at 1:08 PM, Sassy said:

Don’t wear headphones 

whist vacuuming the house 

Ive just finished the whole house 

until I realized the vacuum wasn’t plugged in 🙂 

Why do I get the feeling this isn't copy pasta. <333

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23 minutes ago, Townkill(OD) said:

Why do I get the feeling this isn't copy pasta. <333

Because it is TK TK 

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On 12/2/2018 at 12:08 PM, Sassy said:

Don’t wear headphones 

whist vacuuming the house 

Ive just finished the whole house 

until I realized the vacuum wasn’t plugged in 🙂 

I have to say I was laughing uncontrollably at first when I read this, But then I thought that would be a shitter! :biggrin:

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A man with two hands can hold two bottles of beer. Beer is made with the fossilized remains of extinct species that lived in Uzbekistan while the scientist from Cinnabar Island brushed his teeth with his own feces. 

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A police officer just called the station on his radio 

I have a interesting case here 

A old lady just shot her husband for stepping on her floor she just mopped 

Have you arrested the women 

No the floor still wet 😂😂

 

 

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When my buddy became a firefighter, the first words ever spoken to him from the fire chief were, " ever sucked a dick you didnt like?"

 

Imagine how that would go over with the hurt feelings committee in today's society haha

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Dear Santa 

I’ve bern good all year 

Most the time 

Once in a while 

Never mind I’ll but my own stuff 🙂 

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...and you never would have thought in the end, how amazing it feels just to live again. It’s a feeling that you can not miss and it burns a hole through every one that feels it.

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Sorry just had too post this 🙂 

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Keep your marriage fresh

by writing each other love notes 

like I considered smothering 

you  with a pillow last night 

BUT didn’t 🙂 

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i made a little snowman as perfect as can be 
i thought id keep him as a pet 
and let him sleep with me 
i made him some pyjamas and a pillow for his head 
but last night he disappeared and pissed my fucking bed................ 

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Love is the byproduct of baking cakes with icing made with facial and pubic hair blended together with the addition of a baby koala that pooped itself

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It's almost 2019, and I still have so many unanswered questions!!!! I haven’t found out who let the dogs out...where’s the beef...how to get to Sesame Street...why Dora doesn’t just use Google Maps...Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same, or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop......why eggs are packaged in a flimsy carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that’s tough as nails...what does the fox say...why “abbreviated” is such a long word; or why is there a D in ‘fridge’ but not in refrigerator...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons... why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections...and, why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts” where’s that extra penny going to... why does The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs...and just what exactly is Victoria’s secret? and where is Waldo?...Can you hear me now?...and do you really think I am this witty??...I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother’s girlfriend’s, uncle’s cousin’s who lived next door to an old class mate’s mailman.......

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Murica.

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A flat-chested young lady goes to Dr. Smith for advice about enlarging her
breasts. He tells her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the
tip of your breasts and say, "Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger boobies."
She did this every day faithfully and after several months, it worked!
She grew great boobs!
One morning she was running late and she was on the bus when she realized
she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point she loved her new
boobs and didn't want to lose them, so right in the middle of the
bus--"Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?"
"Why, yes, I do. How did you know?"
"Hickory dickory dock."

Morning all ❤️❤️

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So a guy walks in to a bar.

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Ha ha ha 

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A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'
The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked,
'Sister, have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.'
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,
'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq .
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'
The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'
The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.....I don't want to go to Iraq either!!'

😂😂😂

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40 minutes ago, Sassy said:

soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'
The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked,
'Sister, have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.'
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,
'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq .
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'
The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'
The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.....I don't want to go to Iraq either!!'

😂😂😂

OMG thats too funny

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