I suppose here is my shot at it :) - Please let it be noted that it is to be read through Tyrael's perspective and you are certainly encouraged to have an alcoholic beverage and attempt to narrate it as such as well. Enjoy!:
It's good to see you again, Hero.
Diablo arrives, ready to take your life to zero.
You must face the prime evils.. all on your own.
By Tyrael's might... err.. my might, I pray that you are able to shatter their bone.
I've witnessed your glory, the destruction of Mephisto and loot he hath dropped.
There was a 3% BK ring, and off his body it has plopped.
I am impressed by your exploits, but shouts I have heard.
Who wants the chop shitters, from act one came these word.
Surely this Goku loving barb can do you no harm.
His ability to slay this world's evils, RAISES ALARM!
Listen closely as I show you this light.
He duels like a fallen, go to act one and win this fight.
*** intermission as adventurer now takes the way-point to act 1 ***
You walk to the bridge, where others now wait.
A truck driver, Canadian, and Ashole sit AFK at the gate.
You enter the Blood Moor, attempt to WSG to the top.
In the end it doesn't matter, they next day'd the chop.
You have been slain so swift, your adventure cut short.
Just half a whirlwind, but you were a good sport.
Good duel you say, save and exit out of shame.
Back to the act 4 and beyond, where you might win the game.
Hope it's at least a little enjoyable.. special cameo by @DBZ(OD) @pronoob(OD) @Rich(OD) @Redvaine(OD)